Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
