Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
