One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
