You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nutella sex= disaster
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
