The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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