gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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