So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
