i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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