you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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