She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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