I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
