Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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