best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
