i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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