Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
