We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
