Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is my gift to your gina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
