i jhust puked up my retainher.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
