everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
