And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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