did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
