I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
