I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
