I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
