Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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