the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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