is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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