omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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