hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
