Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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