take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
