And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
