After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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