We won't sleep together?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
