Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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