I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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