I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize