It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize