Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
