Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
