Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
NoShamevember. You game?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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