Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't deserve a penis
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
