dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
