i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
