Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
