and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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