Yo dont text me then not text me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
