CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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