My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
