We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
