dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
