i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
