it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
