addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize