If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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