i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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