Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
