I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
