Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
