This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
