If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
