The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
