Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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