I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
