Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize