Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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