Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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