yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
